Tussled and trounced I am I am
It’s again a beginning I can I can
If it weren’t for this limp and this pain in my ass
I’d run like the wind and I’d never look back
“Hello there” I said, when I meant “How do you do”
The lady looked confused befuddled and bemused
I think she expected more, I know I certainly did
More than just this out of shape loner, just some stupid kid
Conversation continued, as if time saw to that.
We had no real choice but to keep moving on track
The goal was so obvious at the same time unclear
It’s the same one we move toward, year after year after year
In the end it had ended, as all such things do
With less of a "wow" and more a "screw you"
Again and again the wheels go around
I wish oh I wish I liked hearing it’s sound.
I can’t close my eyes without seeing you here
The hair on your upper arm, your attention stealing aura, that smug little smile
Perhaps it’s just a delayed reaction, some sort of sorrid trick of time
Unfortunately I fear it may be reality; dreamlike but cold to the touch
I can’t understand why you want me here if you don’t want me to stay
It’s hard enough to see you strong and independent of me
You’ve diverged and taken a different path down the same old road
No directions, no explanation, no sigh
I tender to think what has caused this in you
Perhaps a fear of inadequacy that screams for revenge
Or a loss of a dream that you never thought had an end
It’s sad, oh so sad, because I’ve lost a friend
If I were to say, “please stay”, would you? Could you?
If I asked for forgiveness, could you? Or should you?
If I longed for a lover would you even tell me your name?
If I asked for a friend would you tell me the same?
I told you I’d love you and would never take it back
I told you I’d find you a way to get back on track
I now know that you never considered me, anything but a fool
I now know you've got nothing to give me, you're just cold and cruel
Give back all I’ve sent you and un-sing our song
Stop thinking of the good times it’s been far too long
I ceased dreaming of your smooth skin and dark auburn hair
You’re making this harder than it should be, you know that’s not fair
I can’t stop what we’ve started, it’s not mine to do
Please help me forget you, un-say “I love you”
It’s not that I want to, it’s more that I must
One more day with thoughts of you, would just be too much
It’s tasteful to think that your emotions don’t matter
But it couldn’t be further from the truth.
From the outset I saw you levitating above the rest
Floating on a cushion of the hot air people speak about you
Truth be told, it’s silly even to mention all of this
Aching and dreaming have traditionally gotten me nowhere
Through desperate faith and an eternal sense of condition
I’ve garnered a love of the things out of my control.
It’s a tender love, divisive and strong
A man drawn and quartered, on the edge of being four pieces not one
It’s equally a menace, a straight-jacket of perception
Wrapped and buckled around my torso from now until eternity
Damn you for saying too much, for saying too little
To know moderation has never been your strong suit
See that field of white, a blanket 12 inches thick
Fathers and children bundled in arctic gear on molded plastic sleds
Tires spin and people shuffle, the slippery ground is the great equalizer
It’s not really worth venturing out.
Too cozy in bed, too warm in thought
Cupcakes and coke will have to suffice for today.
That and good conversation and I can make it through anything
As darkness descends, it’s more of the same than not
Hopefully tomorrow will bring sunshine
Which while a relief, will turn this wonderland into black sooty mess
and leave us with just the memory of a fleeting beauty a night in the making